Don't you have anything good to say about a person? Then please, shut up!

I find it very interesting that people from different countries and different continents can be so different from each other (culture, religion, social views) but still so alike on the same time. Something that I find odd is the habit of trying to connect to people by talking down on other people, which seems to be practiced everywhere in the world?

No matter what country, culture or religion we belong to we all share a common goal - we all want to be happy in our lives. All living beings are in some way striving for happiness, and everyone has their own way in doing so. However, many people try so hard to find happiness but never succeed to get there. Maybe they think that if they just earned a little bit more money, if they just had a better car, nicer house, more handsome husband or beautiful wife, more expensive clothes etc etc. They will become happy. Some people think if they work just a little bit harder, was more useful, got more appreciation from their boss and colleagues, they could justify their right to live and find happiness.

However, happiness comes from inside, and an happiness that depends on these outer conditions is very fragile. Still most people I know and have met during my travels do this, myself often included.

Somehow believing that these outer conditions will make us happy is not a very weird thing, it kind of makes sense since it makes us feel better at least temporarily. What is weird though is once again this way we try to connect to people.

When people feel a little bit insecure, and maybe lonely, there is a tendency to try to connect to other people. This in order to feel accepted and to feel that you are not alone and you have an understanding with other people. (The human nature is really a herd creature, trying to find it's place in a group setting!)

So why do we (I say we because I have experienced this tendency with all kinds of nationalities and religious beliefs around the world SO FAR) try to connect to people by talking down on other people? Sitting with someone and share an understanding about someone else, like "he is so fat, he must be such a lazy and stupid person" or "did you see what horrible clothes she is wearing today" or "can you believe she said such silly things and asked all those stupid questions?" or "he is just so annoying, he never does anything right" etc etc. By saying these things and together get the understanding that "we" are better than this person, and "we" share this thing together, we get an illusion of being connected to people.

But I truly believe that when we do this, for the first little moment we fool our selves to actually feel more connected, but the very next moment (and then from there on, cause the damage has already been done and the harmful things you said cannot be taken back) you will feel even more disconnected! Because talking down on other people first of all makes you feel like a bad person since you said some mean things about another person. Second of all, you feel like "if I talk down on other people, maybe others are talking down on me too", which will definitely put you out of ease and make you start worrying that other people will mock you behind your back.

All in all, you end up being more disconnected than before. And it all started with you trying to feel more connected and happy! The human being is really not very clever sometimes.

I must add that me, myself, I also have done this several times in my life, and every time I must honestly say that I hated myself for it afterward. It is just so counterproductive and mean, and I really don't want to be that kind of person - I want to feel that I am a good person that people know they can trust, and I never want to harm any other being.

Because of this I made myself a promise - try to never talk about people in a negative way (this one is hard if you are very frustrated and annoyed with someone, in such case the conversation should be about one's own feelings like "I feel so frustrated when people don't look at things the way I do" or "when he does that I feel very sad and angry, and these feelings are hard for me to handle") and my golden rule: never say anything about a person that you wouldn't say to their face. 

So if you don't have anything good to say about a person - please shut up.

:)